Feels like a bad dream

I cannot believe that I am typing this because it makes it real. I couldn't sleep last night because of all my mixed emotions and so I think getting it out will make me feel better.

It's been a rough last few days. Connor dropped my i phone on my Grandma's hardwood floor and it broke. That same day I was doing laundry and the washer overflowed and then wouldn't work. Billy's dad came and tried to fix it yesterday and yeah it's broken.

None of this matters now though because of what happened yesterday.

I was going to go to my mom's and was taking a couple loads of laundry. I went to take them out to my car and told Connor to wait inside. He wanted to come out and I said no I will be right back just wait here. When I came back in he heard the door open and came running saying let's go look and see who's here! He tripped over his winnie the pooh book and fell. He started crying really hard which is not like him. He said he couldn't walk. I figured he probably twisted his ankle. He cried for about a half hour and then fell asleep. When he woke up he was crying really hard. My in laws were here because Billy's dad was trying to fix our washer. Billy's mom was holding him and she would touch the bottom of his leg and he would scream in pain. We decided to take him to the instacare. I thought maybe a sprain or twisted ankle. Not a broken leg. His leg can't be broken. He was crying so hard saying I don't want to go to the doctor I want to go home. It was heart breaking the pain he was in. When we got there the doctor examined his leg 1st and as soon as he touched his tibia was when Connor freaked out and the doctor told us it was his tibia. I thought great that is the one he broke last time and it was the same leg. They did the xrays and what do you know it's broken. In the exact same spot as last time. Are you freaking kidding me?! He tripped over a book! I watched him and it was not that bad of a fall to break a leg! THIS IS NOT NORMAL. I am kicking myself for not letting him come out to the car with me. I keep thinking if I just would have let him come out with me this wouldn't have happened. Why didn't I let him? The guilt is eating me alive. He wouldn't have broken his leg if I would have let him. I do not understand why he breaks his leg so easily. I remember last year when he broke it I thought what kid has broken both their legs at age 2 or even both their legs period. Now he has broken one leg twice and the other one once. He is 3. This is once a year that he is breaking his leg! This has got to be a joke right? We cannot have him break his leg once a year for the rest of life. Their has to be something wrong that they can fix. They put a temporary cast on him last night and today he got the full leg hard cast. He will have it for 2 weeks and then a half leg one for 2 weeks just like last time. He got a blue one. The doctor is checking all of his x rays and blood tests and every thing to see if he can figure out what's wrong. When I took him to a specialist last year at Primary Children's she said that she thought it was in his spine. She said they can't do anything till he is like 9 though cuz he could outgrow it with his bones still developing. If he hasn't outgrown it at age 9 then then do surgery and put medal rods in his leg. So what he has to break his leg 9 times? I don't think so. They have got to do something now. Please keep us in your prayers. Connor is actually doing really good now and is his happy self. It is me that is a train wreck. I don't know if it's postpartum that is causing me to be so emotional but I am. I try not to be in front of Connor because he gets sad when he sees me sad and tells me to be happy. I feel so bad that this has ruined the rest of his summer. Summer is over for us now which is so sad because he loves to swim and play outside. Last time it happened in the middle of August which was a little better. I had some fun things planned for us for the next few weeks because I go back to work August 16th. I wanted us to play every day and take full advantage of the rest of the time off I have. Not going to happen now. It still is surreal to me I just can't believe he really broke his leg again. I am going to try and keep my chin up for Connor's sake though. Here is a link to the post of when he broke his leg last year if you are interested.

http://amberbillyconnor.blogspot.com/2009/08/really.html