Surreal

Me actually typing what I am about to type is so surreal to me. I don't know if it will make it more reality if I type it or not. I will have moments where I want to type what I am about to type on facebook but then I just don't want too. I don't want to get these comments:

AGAIN?!

How?!

This is not normal!

These comments just make me feel worst. I know that the people that say them don't mean them the way I take them but that is why I haven't posted it. The moments that I want to post it is because I know that everyones intentions are good. That you are just worried. That you care. That you just want to help. This is why I am posting it on my blog now. We need some good thoughts. We need LOTS of prayers. We need support.

Those of you that are my good friends/family/blog followers know that Connor has broken his leg 3 times. If you didn't know now you do. Well he has always had problems with it. He walks a little funny. He gets tired easily. He doesn't run normal. Family members and close friends ask about him and are concerned. These concerns are valid. Connor has never been given a diagnosis. He just didn't meet all the symptoms of them. The last Doctor we went to when he broke his leg last August did very thorough research and sadly had no answers. He has had multiple blood tests (NOT FUN) and they all come back normal. At Disneyland (we went to Disneyland 2 weeks ago) he started walking with his foot held up. Limping and having it turned in. He didn't complain about it at all he just started walking like this. I asked him if his leg hurt and he said no. He would want me to carry him or hold him though and if we weren't in line he was in his stroller. It is so sad to have a 4 year old boy that can't run around Disneyland. He still had a BLAST I think it was just sad to me and not him. Anyways this post has a reason and a purpose. Something has happened I just am beating around the bush because it is going to be so hard to type it. I know that I need to though. I use this blog as a journal and I know I will regret it if I don't. I want to be able to remember what we went through and what I felt. I look back on my other posts when Connor has broken his leg and reflect. I want to be able to do that with this post.

Deep Breath. Connor broke his leg again.

I am feeling more horrible than I can put into words.

I am feeling like a bad mom. Thinking I should have been more aggressive with Doctors. I should have fought harder and pushed harder rather than being a pushover.

YES it is the same leg YES it is the same bone. How did he do it you ask? He just fell. I hate it when strangers that don't know about his problems ask how he did it and we say he fell. They look at my questionably. They think their is more to it and that me or my husband might have hurt our son. This breaks my heart to pieces.

Basically he was just playing downstairs with his DS. He is very active and moves around while he plays it. He fell. That's it he just fell. He screamed. Wouldn't walk. Wouldn't move it. Cried if you tried to move it or touched it. It was very swollen and very tender. Being the 4th time this has happened we pretty much knew it was broken from how he was acting. The X Ray didn't show a fracture though so he had to have an MRI. He had to be put out for the MRI because you can't move while your having one. This is the 1st time he had ever been put out. Pretty scary. Billy and our neighbor gave Connor a blessing before it. He did really well. The MRI showed the fracture of the tibia in the left leg which we already knew. BAD BAD deja vu. His leg is just wrapped right now. He will get a hard cast in 2 weeks. He has to be immobile and put no pressure on it for 2 weeks. This is new to us usually they put a hard cast on him and he can walk if he feels comfortable to. Usually that is just a day or 2 after. It's hard that he has to be immobile and just lays on the couch. He is pretty happy considering though. He said to me "I always break my leg mommy." He is starting to understand a little. We are taking him to Primary Childrens on Wednesday. This will be my 3rd time taking him there. The 1st time was just a waste of time. The Doctor just blew us off and acted like their was nothing wrong with Connor and he would grow out of it. The 2nd time I liked the Doctor a lot more. She took me a lot more seriously. She did think it wasn't normal and that their was something wrong with Connor. She also said though that because he is so young and his bones are still developing that they can't really do anything now. She also said that he could outgrow it. She said that if he hasn't by the time he is 8 that then they could look into doing a surgery where they replace his bone with a metal rod. I was thinking 8 broken legs later….. Sadly I didn't know that I was probably right. The cruel thing is that he breaks them every year at every age. He broke it when he was 1, then 2, then 3 now 4. As soon as he gets a year older I wonder when he is going to break his leg. Everytime he falls I worry that he will break his leg. I really don't want to live like this anymore and I don't want him to have to either. I don't want him to think it is normal to break your leg because it is not.

The Doctor thinks that he might have osteopenia.

Osteopenia is a bone marrow disease. It is when your bone mineral density is lower than normal but not low enough to be osteoporosis. When you have osteopenia you are at greater risk to develop osteoporosis when you are older. He will be tested for Osteopenia on Wednesday at Primary Children's. Then we will know for sure if he has it or not. I am not hoping that he has it but I do know that their is something wrong with him. I am hoping to get some real answers and a diagnosis. It is pretty sad when you want to be told what your son has. I am so sick of the worrying and stressing. Not saying that once I know what he has and is wrong with him I won't but at least I will know what it is!

Earlier I said that we went to Disneyland. We went from March 4th to 8th. We had so much fun. I am so glad we got to just take Connor and that we got to do it before he broke his leg. Jack stayed at my Mother in laws. I am very grateful to her for watching him! Connor was in heaven and Disneyland really is just magical and where dreams come true. I will do the post soon. It will be a much more positive post and I think posting it will make me feel better. Their are 152 pictures from Disneyland so it will take some time to go through them and decide which ones to put on. It will take a lot longer to post than the one I am doing now too. That is why I haven't done it yet lol.

Our hearts are heavy right now for Connor. Please keep him in your prayers. I will update on what we find out on Wednesday at Primary Childrens. Please pray that we get answers and a diagnosis.